Dear Relationshippper,

I just found out that my wife is having an affair with our son's girlfriend’s father (he is also married).  I am worried on so many different levels.
What should I do?

Sincerely,
Overwhelmed

Dear Overwhelmed,

I’m sorry to hear of this trouble.  Certainly this must be a very hard time for you.  Coping with infidelity is a complex issue that can be dealt with in different ways by everyone.  Your objective right now may be to end your relationship with your wife, or it could be that you want to find a way to work things out with her.  The choice is yours.  However, I would like you to keep a few things in mind.

#1.    You must confront her about the affair.  Please don’t sweep this under the rug and deny its existence.  This is will only cause you to repress a lot of resentment and anger, which will either explode out of you at some point, or you will end up making yourself sick for bottling up all of this negative energy.

#2.    Don’t blame yourself.  While it’s true that you must be having some sort of problems in your relationship, your wife made the poor decision of finding love (or maybe just lust) somewhere else before either trying to resolve things with you, or breaking off the relationship.

#3.    Don’t get your son or his girlfriend involved.  You may at some point need to be honest with them about this situation, but I would avoid getting them involved at all costs.  If your son’s girlfriend’s father wants to tell her the truth, then let him make that decision.  I would probably not approach your son’s girlfriend’s wife, either.  It may be tempting to gain “power in numbers”, but it could also escalate this situation out of your control.

Best of luck to you.  It won’t be easy, but time heals all.  Try to keep a level head, and eventually things will work out.

Email me your questions to lisa@instantloveadvice.com.  I know, it’s yet another new email!