Dear Relationshipper,

I have a very dear friend who has been dating a man for five years. He was married when they met. They were together as teens, but her mother broke them up. She waited for 5 years for this man to divorce his wife. He didn't. His wife divorced him. Now she's waiting patiently for him to get his act together and find a place to live, finish some projects he started at her home and decide when to marry her. It's never going to happen, in my opinion and if it does he will never make her happy because he drinks from the minute he wakes until he passes out at night. What could she be thinking? How can I make her see that he will ruin her life?

Katrina, TN

Dear Katrina,

This is another one of those situations where unfortunately you just have to stay out of it.  The bad news about this situation is its inevitable “bad ending”.  The good news is that hopefully it’s only a matter of time before your friend sees the light.  The worst news is that there is no way you can personally make her see what she’s doing.  She had to find out for herself.

I always encourage people to be honest with their friends when they’re in a bad relationship.  By all means, let your friend know the truth.  But if it looks as though it’s going in one ear and out the other, don’t waste your breath – save the oxygen for the deep breaths you’ll need to calm yourself down in the future.

Unfortunately, your friendship may suffer because of this unhealthy relationship she has with this man.  You may find that it’s best for you to keep a distance from your friend while she comes to her senses (or not).  If you do decide to part ways, it won’t necessarily be a bad thing.  If she doesn’t realize her mistakes, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of grief.  If she does, then she’ll realize you were right all along, and want to rekindle your friendship.

Hang in there.  Friends who make really poor decisions tend to drag us down emotionally and spiritually.  Keep your focus on the positive things in your life, and try not to be brought down by your friend, even though it’s because you care about her so much.

Got more questions?  Email me at: Lisa@instantloveadvice.com.